I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
