i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
