she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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