No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
