Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
