Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
