I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
