if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
