You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
