Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
