I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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