he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
