Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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