I'm jealous of your bromance
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
