just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
