Non-Jews are for practice
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
