I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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