i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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