After last night, I could never be a politician.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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