Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
