oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just had sex bonerless
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
