does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
