Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
