Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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