I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
