God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
