Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
