At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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