If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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