I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
