tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
