I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
