All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
