that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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