oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
