I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
