This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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