How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
where are my eyebrows?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
