so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
