he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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