Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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