i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
