Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
