I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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