So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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