i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
