but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
