My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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