Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
