very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
