I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
