the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize