All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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