I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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