he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
