i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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