The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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