Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do herpes really smell.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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