one might say we're banned from that church
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so let's talk penis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
