Did you just see the Batmobile???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
